(Parody of The Lorax, by Dr. Suess)

At the far end of Rohan
Where the Ent-forest grows
And the wind through the Gap of Rohan now blows
And birds always sing, in arpeggios
Is the old circle of Isengard.

And deep in the Ent-forest, some people say,
If you look deep enough you can still see, today,
Where Old Treebeard once stood
And guarded the wood.
Before all the old Ents just vanished away.

What were the Ents?
And why were they here?
And why did Old Treebeard once battle down here
At the far end of Rohan where the Ent-forest grows?
The old wizard still lives here.
Ask him. He knows.

You won’t see Radagast.
Don’t knock at his door.
He stays there in Orthanc, studying lore.
He lurks there in Orthanc, with beasts and with birds.
Where he treats all the hurts
With songs and with words.
And on special dark midnights in the Ent-woods
He peeks.
Out of the windows.
And sometimes he speaks.
And tells what Old Treebeard had done here that day.

He’ll tell you perhaps…
If you’re willing to pay.

On the end of a rope,
He’ll let down an old shield
And you have to toss in some orc-teeth
Concealed
In the axe of a dwarf warrior that he used to wield.

Then he’ll pull up the shield
Make a most careful count
To see if you’ve paid him
The proper amount

Then he’ll take what you’ve paid him
And put it away
In a secretive hole.
He may use them someday.

Then he’ll tell you the tale with stops and with spurts
As he continues to tend to the animal’s hurts.

Down his voice carries softly to your ear.
The distance makes Radagast’s words hard to hear.
But you can make the tale out
If you listen hard
Though his tale isn’t dull
He’s not a good bard.

"Now I’ll tell you," he says as he works through the day.
How Saruman was banished and went far away.

It all started way back…
Such a long, long time back…

Way back in the days before Elessar was king
And the Hobbits were merry
And Dwarf hammers did ring.
And the songs of the Elvenlands rang out in space.
And old Treebeard still lived with the Ents in their place.
And Saruman started
To cut down the trees.
The forests of Fangorn and those by the seas.
Mile after mile of stumps from the trees.

And where there were trees, now were prints from orc boots.
And orc trash and litter and old armored suits.
From the orcs as they partied and settled disputes.

From the circle of Orthanc
Came fires and smoke
Of machinery grinding
For that Saruman bloke.

But those trees! Those trees!
Those poor, slaughtered trees!

Old Treebeard was fuming
And week in the knees.
The loss of the elm,
The oak and the birch.
And the slender young rowans
Left him in a lurch.

He felt his wrath rising
When the hobbits arrived
He had to take action
Or Ents won’t survive.

With the help of the Huorns, they marched out in force.
And the hobbits rode with them as a matter of course.
And with anger and music they traveled real hard.
In a matter of hours they reached Isengard.

Saruman fought them with powers of fire
Some burned.
But old Treebeard was calm in his ire.
And he dammed up the river and flooded the land.
Describe him? That’s hard. I don’t know if I can.

He was treeish. And oldish.
And mossy and strong.
And he spoke with a great

Hoom-Hom like a song.

"Saruman!" he called as his voice caught the breeze.
"My name is Treebeard. I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.
And I’m telling you now at the top of my lungs"
His voice carried far as he called and he spoke.
"Saruman, you’re a most awful bloke."

Then Saruman spoke. "Look Treebeard" he said.
"Why do you attack? Why do you want my head?
I’ve no quarrel with you. I want the Ring, yes indeed.
For the Ring’s a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!
It was Sauron’s. Then Gollum’s. Then I learned where it’s at.
In my hands it could help us. Just think of that!
I can use it for glory. For Power! For Gain!
For Ruling! For ending Sauron’s reign!"

Treebeard just said
"Saruman, you are trapped by this thing.
There is no way that Sauron
Would let you keep his One Ring."

But the very next minute after he spoke out strong
At that very minute, a chap came along
And he snarled and whimpered and tried slinking away
But Treebeard just grabbed him and made him to stay.

"Don’t hurt poor Grima!" he whimpered and moaned.
"Don’t hurt me please, just let me go home."

"To repeat," said old Treebeard.
"I speak for the trees.
Go now to your master
And fall on your knees."

He rushed to the tower, and in no time at all,
Scampered inside, and Treebeard did call
Again out to Saruman who looked out askance.
"Saruman, listen. I’ll give you a chance
for you to redeem yourself and repent today.
You can soon talk to Gandalf. He’s now on his way."

And quickly, so quickly inside he did go.
Treebeard just shrugged and taking the hobbits in tow,
Wandered through the wreckage and rubble and scree
Looking at his mischief, and shipments from Bree.

Then.. Oh! Baby! Oh! What the hobbits did see.
A batch of fresh pipeweed in the debris.
But Treebeard found Saruman’s Super-Axe-Blaster
Which was used for taking down trees faster and faster.
And Fire-Bombs for burning trees down by the score.
And Old Treebeard became even more sore.
He turned back and he pounded on Saruman’s door.

He sang out. "I’m Treebeard who speaks for the trees
Which you go on destroying as fast as you please.
With burárum orcs with their shields and their boots.
Hacking with axes and trashing the roots
Of the trees that have grown since they were small shoots.

NOW, thanks to your hacking my trees into bits.
We’ve come to repay you, and your clever gits.
We’ve wiped out your forces and torn down your gate.
We’ll destroy your machinery before it gets late.

You’ve enjoyed your destruction, but you’ll have to pay.
As will you armies. And I hope that they may
Learn better manners. Now I’ve had my say."

Treebeard turned away. Saruman watched him go.
Then…
Gandalf came riding with Theoden in tow.
And twenty more riders in row after row.

Treebeard was harmless, but Gandalf was not.
His dander was up and his temper was hot.
For Saruman’s treachery, and his dishonesty.
He went to the tower, all bothered and testy.
And Saruman came out. He came from inside.
Down inside his tower he no longer could hide.
And Gandalf talked with him about all the trees.
And about the One Rings, which he thinks he needs.

Then old Treebeard came back. While they talked there together.
He came to see Saruman, who looked under the weather.
"My name is Treebeard," He hom-ed and he hoom-ed.
His eyes gleamed with fire. His voice really boomed.
"Saruman!" he cried with a voice loud and deep.
"Saruman, I say. You are really a creep!"
"Not only the Ents did you torture and burn.
But the Men of Rohan too. Well, now it’s your turn."

"And so," said old Treebeard, "Gandalf will deal with you.
You won’t burn no more. Saruman, you are through.
Where will you go?
I don’t rightly know.
But Gandalf will tell you what your fate will be.
For trying to kill Ent, Man, and Tree.

"What’s more," said old Treebeard, who’d built up some steam
"Let me tell you now what you haven’t seen.
Your orcs are all dead. Huorns saw to that.
You fortress is broken. And you’ve lost your hat.
Since Gandalf broke your staff, what do you say?
I’ll be glad now to teach you the right proper way.

You’ve torn down your last tree, and fought your last war.
You’ll not harm the trees or the Ents anymore.
So we’ll set up a guard around your old lands.
To keep them from falling in unscrupulous hands.
And you’ll stay in your tower as long as it stands."

The others just watched
As Treebeard had his say.
Then Saruman yelled back, "You’ll not get away.
For Sauron will catch you, and make you all pay.
And I have my rights, Ent, and I’m telling you

I intend to go on doing just what I do.
And for your information, old Treebeard, I’m figgering
On biggering
And biggering

And biggering

And biggering

Till I have enough forces and Sauron concedes.
That wonderful One Ring which Everyone needs!"

As Gandalf dismissed him, we heard a loud whack!
Down from the tower, an answer came back.
From mad Grima Wormtongue; his aim was so off
That even King Theoden happened to scoff.

The ball rolled away till Pippin stopped its fall.
In no time at all, Gandalf happened to call.
"I’ll take that, my lad." And he hid it inside.
He then thanked old Treebeard, and the soldiers did ride.

Now all that was left by the tower Orthanc
Was Treebeard, and Grima
And Saruman rank.

Old Treebeard said nothing. Just gave him a glance.
Just gave him a very sad, sad backward glance.
He knew that Saruman did not take his chance.
And as I came along, upon that burned place
I’ll never forget the look on Treebeard’s face.
He knew that time passed, for him and his race.

Before he left, he planted this grove.
A moment, more than a treasure trove.
"Remember."
He said. And onward he goes.

That was long long ago.
But each day since that day.
I’ve worked and I’ve slaved
And worried away.
Through the years while the tree grew apace.
I’ve worried about old Treebeard and his race.

For now, that the Third Age has ended its time
Now that the Ents are no more in their prime
Unless we remember them, what was it worth?
These Ents who cared for the trees of the Earth?
They’re gone.
So Catch!" calls Radagast.
He lets something fall.
"Take now this seed. And plant it by fall.
You’re in charge of the last of the Mallorn seeds.
The last that remains east of the seas.
Remember old Treebeard who once fought right here.
And care for the Mallorn the Elves did revere
Search for the Ent-wives wherever they roam.
For old Treebeard would love to have them come home."

–Lanny Andelin

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